The best things in life aren't things at all

My Partially Nude Facial



“I’ll excuse the room so that you can remove your top”


“Sorry, what was that?”


“I’ll excuse the room so that you can remove your top”


“Did you just tell me to take my shirt off?!”



Shortly after moving to Chicago, I was offered a free facial at a spa. In the spa’s defense, I will not provide name, location, reason for promotion, etc. I am a lover of free things, and I am also a lover of the spa. So a free service at the spa was music to my ears!

I make my appointment and I go. I am actually pretty excited, yet I’m also a little bit nervous because I don’t know what to expect and I feel like a schmuck going to a spa to cash in on my free facial while having zero intentions of ever paying for one in the future.

So once I get to my appointment, we sit to have a consultation. She drills me about what kind of skin care I used, what my daily routine is, etc, etc. I really do not like getting products pushed at me so my answers were really quite short and simple:

“I use soap”
“No, just bar soap”
“Yes, I’m quite happy with my bar soap, thank you”
“No, I have never heard of that product before, maybe I’ll research it”

The entire time, I’m thinking to myself that we should just cut to the chase and she should rub my face… or do whatever gets done when you have a facial. However, I don’t want to be rude as I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I really did not expect a 30 minute conversation about how an esthetician knows more about skin than a dermatologist. Plus, I didn’t want her to “accidentally” drop something bad into her facial potion.

So, finally, we are done “chit chatting” or doing whatever girls do, and I think to myself “yes, it’s face rubbing time!” I stand up and get ready to lie down onto her table and then suddenly I think my ears are playing tricks on me…

“I’ll excuse the room so that you can remove your top”

“Sorry, what was that?”

“I’ll excuse the room so that you can remove your top”

“Did you just tell me to take my shirt off?!”

She seems non too amused that I am questioning the removal of my garments, and blankly says “Yes”.

I’m still thrown off by this, and I cannot help myself but ask “Why?”


I don’t recall her response, but I remember thinking to myself not too push it otherwise she’ll take my free facial away or she’ll add  acid to her facial potion.

So, she leaves the room and I disrobe myself, get onto the table and pull the blanket up all the way up to my chin. She comes back into the room and I can’t help myself from wondering what kind of facial this is exactly…

I try to stay cool, calm and collected, but as this lady is rubbing my face and making my cheeks make weird noises, I cannot help but have to bite my inner cheeks from smiling.

I guess she senses that I am biting my inner cheeks, because she tells me to relax, and she rubs my cheeks with a bit more aggression… I think to myself “surely, I did not remove my shirt because of potential excessive drooling”, and I can’t help it… I just can’t help it… I find myself funny and I smile! A full blown, teeth showing smile!


She asks if I’m okay, and I do my best to lie and say in a calming, relaxed voice “yes, this feels so lovely, thank you” as I desperately try to suck my cheeks back in to prevent further smile-age.

She continues to rub my face, adding a little bit of this, and a little bit of that, and I try so hard to be appreciative of this free spa experience. I really do. I think to myself to be grateful, to appreciate this, etc, etc. But it’s tough, I felt like she was trying to connect my eyebrows to my hairline. She was trying to get my face to see what the hokey pokey really was all about…!!!

hokey pokey

I could not shake the fact that there I was, lying on a table, tense and stiff as a board, without a shirt. Wasn’t this supposed to be relaxing and feel nice? I couldn’t wait for the facial to be over… Actually, I couldn’t wait to put my shirt back on!

Thankfully the facial did come to an end!

Somehow I managed to leave (fully clothed) without purchasing any product or by re-booking an actual appointment (yes, I did leave a tip, I’m not a cheapo Canadian). I think she and I both knew that there just was not chemistry between her fingertips and my face.

As I hokey pokey’d my way out of there, we both knew that I would not be returning…

Have you, my lovely, ever been asked to disrobe in a strange situation!?

Enjoy Life,


11 thoughts on “My Partially Nude Facial

  1. I went to Skoah here for a facial and the same thing! It threw me off, too. But they lotioned up my neck and a little further down.

  2. Lol while reading and could very easily picture your situation. Very entertaining! 🙂

  3. A friend of mine is learning to do facials and I’ve let her practice on me. She makes me take my shirt off but that’s because she includes a really good shoulder rub with it. That sort of makes you drool from enjoyment! Maybe though it’s about not getting ‘product’ on the client’s clothes?

  4. I kept it together until the “full blown, teeth showing smile!”

  5. I always take my shirt off! That way they can put the lovely creams and stuff on the décolletage as well and rub your shoulders 🙂 Maybe it’s a European thing?!? 😉

  6. Pingback: I’m So Excited, Part 3, Section B (2nd Liebster Award) | Nonsense & Shenanigans

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